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Ticket to blood drives is Flintstones

...stop: Still awesome."(Yeah, but look at all the delightful weather they missed back home.) FUNNY FELINES: Everett Fernandez shares these seven definitions of a cat:1. A lap-warmer with a built-in buzzer2. A four-footed allergen3...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2015-02-28/ticket-blood-drives-flintston
Take down your Christsmas lights already!

...through Thanksgiving. FLU FOR YOU? It's bad this season and many are afflicted, but they're not the only ones.Everett Fernandez offers these excuses reportedly received by a real school district:? "My son is under a doctor's care and...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2015-01-15/take-down-your-christsmas-lig
Candidates put pain in campaign

...no-legged dog," which, while insensitive, would indicate an animal prone to immobility. POLITICAL SPEAK: And Everett Fernandez adds these quotes from the political season:"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-11-03/candidates-put-pain-campaign
Eater's Triple Crown (Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas) is just winter survival - so relax

...There are more important things to worry about this time of year than denial or snug pants. AT THE MOVIES: Everett Fernandez has figured out Hollywood. Maybe you have, too, if you know that:? All bombs are fitted with electronic timing...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/latest-news/2014-11-27/eaters-triple-crown-hallowee
Kirby: Forget cops, put body cameras on the crooks

...seem to think if you break the law it's somebody else's fault. FUTURE HEADLINES OF 2040: These were shared by Everett Fernandez."Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped""Castro finally dies at age 112"Cuban cigars can now be...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-12-08/kirby-forget-cops-put-body-ca
Many Christmas gifts don't make it to New Year's Eve

...wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.? Pardon my driving, I'm reloading. TODAY'S JOKE: Everett Fernandez shared a story of the season:Tired of having to balance the family checkbook, Mike made a deal with his wife, Cindy...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-12-25/many-christmas-gifts-dont-mak
Expensive cat meds have dog friend covered (again)

...ball ingredients, I tell it in the holiday issue of Augusta Magazine. TODAY'S JOKE: Here's another one from Everett Fernandez:Mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift for...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-12-18/expensive-cat-meds-have-dog-f
Kirby: No matter the spelling, crape myrtle thrives here

...it contains manganese, white is calcium, pink and rust and green mean algae. TODAY'S JOKE: Here's one from Everett Fernandez:Two good old boys from back in the hills, loved to fish and thought they'd try some of the ice fishing they'd...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-11-06/kirby-no-matter-spelling-crap
Kirby: Reunion presents a sight unseen

...riverboat inventor, William Longstreet and asks why he didn't get famous and Robert Fulton did. TODAY'S JOKE: From Everett Fernandez:A display in the window of a lingerie store caught a young mother's eye while shopping in the mall with three...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/bill-kirby/2014-10-13/reunion-presents-sight-u
Kirby: 8 ways to keep safe from insect bites during summer

...Pizza ... made famous by a young actress named Julia Roberts in her 1988 movie.TODAY'S JOKE: Here's one from Everett Fernandez:In a hospital's intensive care unit, patients always died in the same bed, about 11 a.m. Sunday, regardless...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-07-28/kirby-8-ways-keep-safe-insect