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Take down your Christsmas lights already!

...through Thanksgiving. FLU FOR YOU? It's bad this season and many are afflicted, but they're not the only ones.Everett Fernandez offers these excuses reportedly received by a real school district:? "My son is under a doctor's care and...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2015-01-15/take-down-your-christsmas-lig
Kirby: Forget cops, put body cameras on the crooks

...seem to think if you break the law it's somebody else's fault. FUTURE HEADLINES OF 2040: These were shared by Everett Fernandez."Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped""Castro finally dies at age 112"Cuban cigars can now be...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-12-08/kirby-forget-cops-put-body-ca
Many Christmas gifts don't make it to New Year's Eve

...wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.? Pardon my driving, I'm reloading. TODAY'S JOKE: Everett Fernandez shared a story of the season:Tired of having to balance the family checkbook, Mike made a deal with his wife, Cindy...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-12-25/many-christmas-gifts-dont-mak
Expensive cat meds have dog friend covered (again)

...ball ingredients, I tell it in the holiday issue of Augusta Magazine. TODAY'S JOKE: Here's another one from Everett Fernandez:Mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift for...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-12-18/expensive-cat-meds-have-dog-f
Candidates put pain in campaign

...no-legged dog," which, while insensitive, would indicate an animal prone to immobility. POLITICAL SPEAK: And Everett Fernandez adds these quotes from the political season:"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-11-03/candidates-put-pain-campaign
Eater's Triple Crown (Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas) is just winter survival - so relax

...There are more important things to worry about this time of year than denial or snug pants. AT THE MOVIES: Everett Fernandez has figured out Hollywood. Maybe you have, too, if you know that:? All bombs are fitted with electronic timing...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/latest-news/2014-11-27/eaters-triple-crown-hallowee
Kirby: No matter the spelling, crape myrtle thrives here

...it contains manganese, white is calcium, pink and rust and green mean algae. TODAY'S JOKE: Here's one from Everett Fernandez:Two good old boys from back in the hills, loved to fish and thought they'd try some of the ice fishing they'd...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2014-11-06/kirby-no-matter-spelling-crap
Former Chronicle reporter gets the scoop in Atlanta

...724-0436. For more information, visit www.historicaugusta.org. TODAY'S JOKE: Here's one shared by Everett Fernandez.It seems Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/bill-kirby/2014-09-04/former-chronicle-reporte
Two centures of 'the greatest hits' of Augusta

...St. It's a pretty exclusive. People are dying to get there. TODAY'S JOKE: Here's another one shared by Everett Fernandez."I would like to make out a will," an elderly man tells his lawyer, "but I don't know exactly how to go...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/bill-kirby/2014-09-11/two-centures-greatest-hi
Kirby: Reunion presents a sight unseen

...riverboat inventor, William Longstreet and asks why he didn't get famous and Robert Fulton did. TODAY'S JOKE: From Everett Fernandez:A display in the window of a lingerie store caught a young mother's eye while shopping in the mall with three...

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/bill-kirby/2014-10-13/reunion-presents-sight-u